ChickenVoxBlog

Top 10 Excuses Why I Haven't Posted [comments are now on!]

Top 10 Excuses Why I Haven't Posted

10.  The dog ate my modem.
9.  Busy embroidering "I Just Wanted My Stuff Back" on a pillow for OJ Simpson's prison cot.
8.  Global warming.
7.  Trapped in fundamentalist polygamist sect.
6.  Rewriting The Art of War to include sections on travel and fashion.
5.  Lost my driver's license and couldn't get back on the information superhighway.
4.  Converted briefly to Amish.
3.  Training with Marcel Marceau to take over as World's Most Famous Mime.
2.  Busy rescuing poor, mangled geckos from my fierce huntress kitties.

And my number one excuse for not posting lately...

Too excited about trying the deep-fried banana pudding (etc.!) at the Great State Fair of Texas!!

just for fun

Yay, I'm Woodstock!
(mildly bad grammar and all...)

Which Peanuts Character are You?

You are Woodstock! Take this quiz! Quizilla

meanwhile, back at the handwriting analysis lab...

Since all the cool kids were doing it, and I'm still fiddling with the bane of my existence, I had to do the handwriting analysis thingy, too.  I'm not sure how much I agree with some of it, and you know me (or should by now) - I needed multiple choice on more than one of these - but here it is, for whatever it's worth -- i.e., mostly just for fun.  I should also qualify this a little (in case anyone cares):  You were supposed to write in cursive, but I almost never write exclusively that way (so I didn't for my "sample," either).  If I did, you'd never be able to read what I write!  I write in a combination of printing and cursive (and I see I'm far from alone in this), so I don't know how accurate these results could be, particularly just checking boxes instead of submitting an actual sample.  I think I'll do what Emily Sears did with hers, and add some comments about what they have to say about "Chicken."  (I never give my real name on these things, because I'm endlessly amused at being addressed as "Chicken.")  You'll be able to tell which comments are mine, since they'll be in "my" font.  

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******* The Analysis Starts Here *******

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space.  If the inputted data was correct Chicken has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Chicken fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Chicken has  a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Chicken is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future.  Chicken is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future.
OK, this is misleading, but here's where I could've used two choices in my answers.  I usually tend to indent farther and farther over on the left side (we're talking millimeters here, nothing huge), so I checked that, although with this sample, I left a lot of white space on the right side of the page - because I was scribbling on a full 8½"x11" sheet of scratch paper from the printer, something I would never normally write on.  If I were actually writing a letter or something on that type of paper, I would have used more natural or normal "margins."  And wow, I wish I perceived my future as "exciting and enticing," but we'll leave that one alone for now. 
 

Chicken exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Chicken allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Chicken has a vivid imagination.
Hee.  I actually am aware that I have a hard time describing things in the physical world (insert crude/corny joke here about women not being able to measure length), so when attempting it, I try to be realistic.  I can't judge my own storytelling capabilities, not objectively, but I guess I'm all right.  The rest of it is pretty accurate.  I may appear like a cynic on the surface, and I am, but I can also be a little too credulous.  However, being aware of this actually helps me be more skeptical when I need to be.  
 

Chicken has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
Pretty much. 

Chicken has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her.
Sad but true, at least somewhat.

Chicken is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Not necessarily, but some of the time.  I do make a concerted effort to dial back the causticity.
 

Chicken is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth.  This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts.  she finds joy in anticipation and planning.  Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned.  Chicken basically feels good about herself.  She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success.  She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to.  However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach".  She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals.  A good esteem is one key to a happy life.  Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
I guess this is something innate, because I've been pretty down on myself lately.  I'll leave out the boring details, but those who know me probably know why.  Good to see that it's still there somewhere, though.  The "joy in anticipation and planning" is spot-on.
 

In reference to Chicken's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Chicken slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Chicken can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
Having too many irons in the fire, as my grandmother would say, is definitely me.  I get excited about projects but often can't finish them.  But I'm absolutely curious and "investigative." 
 

Chicken will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!
And I'll frequently give it without being asked! 

Chicken is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Chicken will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Chicken an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Chicken is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Chicken is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.
I think they mean "heart-rending," but OK.  I'm not swayed by those same stories, though.  I would agree with a lot of this, as I'm an odd combination of intro- and extrovert, though I'm not at all "middle of the road" when it comes to politics, though with other things I'm widely known as a fence-sitter.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially.  According to the data input, Chicken doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Grr.  "People who write...", dang it.  I do tend to write a bit on the large side, left to my own devices (i.e., not filling out forms with ridiculously small input spaces), but there wasn't a choice for "medium large," only small, medium, or large. 

---

And there you have it.  This would be much more fun if you could send in an actual sample of your writing, instead of just checking the boxes that sort of correspond to how you write.  I have a couple of books on handwriting analysis; should I start promoting myself as a Professional Handwriting Analyst?  Go to work for the F.B.I.?  Ha. 

update on updates

For those of you wondering why it seems I never actually post anything here beyond random comments on others' blogs, I'll tell you.  I'm in Friday5's neighborhood, and a few weeks she posted a "Friday 15" to catch up after she moved.  There were too many questions I could post long, rambling answers to, and things I wanted to put pictures with (including three "show us a ___" questions), so I started working on it right away.  Then I got sidetracked -- many, many times throughout this process, actually.  Then I couldn't  find the pictures I wanted.  We've changed computers a few times over the years, but saved all the old hard drives -- we used to have them all in one tower, until that one's motherboard finally gave out.  The PC we have now only has slots for two hard drives, but I'm very thankful to have it, as it was "inherited" from my late step-grandfather, and without it all we'd have is this laptop to share between us, with no access to all those old hard drives.  A lot of stuff got backed up onto countless CDs, but weeding through all the pictures on them, on a machine that just does not want to show me thumbnails of the images, has been frustrating -- especially when all the pictures are named by the camera:  "DCP_0001," and so on -- and I also can't remember when I took a lot of them, which might help, some.  But I've finally found as many as I think I'm going to at this point, so I'm done with that. 

Thing is, I haven't been "allowing" myself to do any day-to-day posting here until I finish that and get it posted.  I know, that's ridiculous, isn't it?  The silly rules we make for ourselves -- when my main purpose of joining here was to get in the habit of writing something, anything, daily or close to it.  And now that I have, for all intents and purposes, finished the writing of the post and the uploading of the pictures (still "hidden" for now), I noticed that it's really, really long....and maybe not all that interesting.  So, just to get it done, I'm going to "publish" it, but in shorter "chapters" so as not to put anyone who cares to read it to sleep TOO quickly.  You'd think I'd been working on the Great American Novel over here, but believe me, it's not.  It's just something I need to do to get it out of my system; if it's not something you find worth reading or commenting on, I won't be offended.  I just have to do this for myself, to "purge" it,  so that I can get on with other things, like coming up with pithy replies to the QsotD or Vox Hunts.  (Ha.)  It may take me a bit to finally get it all published, with links back and forth between entries.  Feel free to point and laugh, until it's there, as you hear my cyber-cursing at not getting the formatting right on the first 73 tries!

(Whoops -- this somehow got posted without commenting turned on.  Some days, I should just not be allowed near computers.)

Vox Hunt: Cityscape

Show us a cityscape.

You'd think I would have something in all my vacation pictures that would qualify for this, but when Maggie linked to this page, I couldn't resist using these.

Doodles Destinations 1

Doodles Destinations 2

They're called Doodles Destinations, and they're from The Home Port.  I actually have a lamp with a base that's very similar to the Eiffel Tower one (as does Maggie!), from Target of all places.  I would love to have a little tabletop fantasy city, surrounding my Eiffel Tower, with the Chrysler Building, the Seattle Space Needle, the St. Louis Gateway Arch, Sydney's Opera House, all the bridges they sell -- heck, just give me the whole collection!  They're fairly reasonably priced, but surely one could find them at a lower price elsewhere.  The bargain hunter in me must find these for cheap pronto (even if I can't afford them now)!

my Eiffel Tower lamp

Doesn't it look lonely?  Don't you think it needs some company?

bow before The Empress!

OK, as if.  And I swear I have other stuff I'm working on, if I can ever get caught up and so forth.  But I thought this was too pretty not to share -- and fairly accurate, if a bit overblown. 
(Not to mention full of grammatical/spelling/punctuation errors.  Oy.)

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

QotD: Board Games - Best & Worst

What board game are you really good at?  Really bad at?

I may not be the best at Trivial Pursuit, but since I have a head for useless knowledge, it's one of my favorite games.  I've gotten "better" at it since my friends and I began playing by a "new" set of rules (I say "new" in quotation marks because we've been playing this way for the better part of three decades!), which were created by my friend George (whom I've known since the fifth grade, but who's not in the group with whom I usually play).  I always thought the game was "a great idea, poorly executed" (one of my own favorite Chicken-isms), because it can take way too long to finish, is unnecessarily complicated, plus it's possible to play an entire game without ever being asked a single question from one or more of the categories.  I think it should be purely about the trivia, and nothing left to the roll of the dice.  I don't mind board games where you do have to, well, move around a board, but it always seemed sort of counterintuitive to this game, so when George made up these rules, I was thrilled.

So -- in order that you may also enjoy what could have been one of the greatest games ever created in the same way we do, I will share those rules with you now.  I hope this makes sense; it's really very simple, and simplifies the game greatly, but sometimes I don't explain things in a way that makes sense to others.  You can play with as few as two people (minus the "bonus" points of course), but it's more fun with more -- and you can play with almost an unlimited number of people this way, instead of however many the maximum is, the way the game was designed.

First things first:  Ditch the board.  And the dice, and the pies, and the wedges -- everything but the boxes of cards.  You will also need something to keep score on, and a pen or pencil (and designate someone to keep score).  Next, everyone gets a card, either drawn randomly, dealt out by someone deemed the dealer, or however you decide.  (You'll see as this goes on that you can "customize" this version to your own needs or wants.)  You can also decide however you wish who goes first.  That person can either read or receive the first question.  The question "reader" reads the question from the first category on his or her card to the person to their left (or right, whichever you decide).  That person gets an opportunity to answer; if they get it right they get one point, but lose none if incorrect.  If they are incorrect, everyone else has a chance to shout out the right answer, usually as soon as the "reader" says "Wrong!"  The first person to get it right gets a point, but anyone who gets it wrong loses a point, even if that's everyone but the person whose question it was and the "reader."  Then you go around the circle, reading the questions from the top category of the card, then when it gets back to the first person, he or she reads the question from the second category, and so forth on down the cards.  At the end of the first card, everyone discards their original card and draws (or is dealt) a new one.  That way the questions are more fairly distributed, there's no trying to land on a category you can answer better than another, and everyone has to answer questions from every category.  And it goes MUCH more quickly.  You can play to a certain number of points, a certain number of cards, set a time limit, or however you choose.  It's way more fun this way, too!

Something else you might consider, especially if you have someone who is lousy at trivia but would still like to participate:  Have one person designated the official Question Reader, Scorekeeper, and Tiebreaker (in the case of two people shouting out a correct answer at the same time in the "bonus round").  There is also the issue of some of the cards' having faulty, incomplete, or downright incorrect information -- for example, ages ago, my friends ruled that I was incorrect when I was asked something to which the card said the answer was "Mahatma Gandhi," but I answered "Mohandas Gandhi."  I of course "knew" (from my vast historical knowledge of the man based on having seen the Ben Kingsley film!) that "Mahatma" is a title, an honorific, not the man's first name, and he did not care for it.  Had I answered simply "Gandhi," of course, it never would have come up, because we ruled long ago that, except in the instance of things where that was incomplete (like siblings, etc.), last names were enough.  Anyway -- when things like this come up, you can decide among the group how to rule on these answers, or, if you're not playing out in the boonies as we frequently are, and you have internet access, you can fact-check online or something.  Or -- have the Scorekeeper make the final rulings, if you have one.

So -- toss out those boards & pies, and have yourselves a fun game!

I've never really done anything like this...

...but then, it's been a long, long time since I've been so impressed with and excited by an up-and-coming musician.

Her name is Annie Clark, and she performs and records under the musical moniker St. Vincent.  She's from the Dallas area, having gone to high school just a couple of miles from where I live now, the niece of a musical duo called Tuck & Patti.  She "apprenticed" (and went on tour during summer school breaks) with them from an early age, learning about the business of touring and playing as a professional musician.  It would seem that she was quite the little sponge; her music shows the influence of -- well, nearly every style and genre that came before her, to the point where she is a species of musician all her own. 

I only just learned about her a few days ago, so I hope I get her story straight (on the very slight chance she or anyone who knows her reads this).  Everything I know is because the hubby happened to see her open for a band called Midlake, heard that her CD was coming out, and left a Dallas Morning News article he'd read about her out for me to look at.  I was intrigued, so I went to her MySpace page, where she has a handful of songs to sample, and I was just... mesmerized.  Captivated.  Enchanted.  Thrilled.  Instantly besotted.   I couldn't believe such beautiful, complex music comes not only from the mind, hands, and voice of just one woman, but from one so relatively young (she's only 23).

In the words of Robert Wilonsky at the Dallas Observer (which I made hubby unearth his copy of for me as soon as I heard her first song), her music is "like nothing and everything"; "it's everything you've ever heard and nothing you've ever been able to pin down."  In her own words, her music is "smirking but sincere":  "It's a little tongue-in-cheek, and a little just plain weird."  I can't put it any better than that; I don't have the vocabulary for her music, especially not since I'm just getting to know it myself.  Besides, to quote a line that's frequently attributed to one of my deities, Elvis Costello, "Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."

Her CD, Marry Me, comes out tomorrow (Tuesday, July 10), on Beggars Banquet records.  But until then, have a listen for yourself, and see what you think:

(You can also sample more of her songs at the link above for her CD.)

And here is the video for "Your Lips Are Red":

St. Vincent - Your Lips Are Red (DUMBO session)

If you'd like to read more about her, and how she got where she is today (including a side trip through [and "redemption in a robe" thanks to] the spectacular phenomenon that is the Polyphonic Spree), check out the two articles I read, and her official web pages:

Dallas Observer:  Sanctified
Dallas Morning News:  Annie Clark's new album revives her career
St. Vincent on MySpace  (Full-length versions of three of the songs I have here, plus an additional one)
Official St. Vincent Site, with upcoming tour dates.

And if you're as impressed with her as I am, maybe you, too, will be rushing out tomorrow to buy her CD!

QotD: Grown-Up Boot Camp

What are three things you want to learn, and three things you can teach others to do?
Submitted by bookishbiker.

There have always been artsy-craftsy types of things I wanted to learn, or learn to do better.  I've never tried my hand at paper-making, which I always thought seemed very cool and fun.  I've only ever made one candle, as a gift; no idea how it turned out (burning-wise), but it was pretty and smelled good, and I'd love to learn more of it.  Glass-blowing has always fascinated me, but I know it would just be Too. Damn. Hot. for this heat-sensitive girl.  But I could make lampwork beads instead; you only use a small flame, and it's on a much smaller scale.  I'd also like to do more things like sewing, knitting/crocheting, and the like; it's quite fulfilling when you finish something and it looks halfway decent.  I crocheted my mom a warm hat and scarf when she went to Antarctica a couple of years ago, and she said they helped to keep her nice and toasty.  (They were cute, too!)  I'd even like to try my hand at woodworking and metal sculpture.  And I'd love to learn more jewelry-making-type stuff.  I do know how to do quite a lot, even if I haven't been able to do a lot of the more "serious" stuff (like silversmithing) since finishing college (the equipment is not cheap), but there's always a craving to learn and do more.  I get so inspired when I go to art fairs, then (mildly) discouraged because I don't know if my brain works in quite the right way to come up with something all my own, something uniquely me, something that would make people stop in front of my booth at a fair and say, "Wow."  But regardless -- learning to make paper, or candles, or weaving, or to make different kinds of jewelry, and seemingly countless other artsy-type things (no scrapbooking, though!) has always appealed to me enormously.  I'm also drawn to "found object" art, and reusing/recycling everyday things, in unexpected ways, that would otherwise end up in a landfill.  I saw a show on the Fine Living Network about going "green," and there was a woman who made all sorts of decorative things from "trash"; it really inspired me.

Photography sort of falls under this heading as well, but it's "big" enough that I thought it should be a separate thing.  My father was a pretty good photographer when I was a kid (still is), and my brother already knew a lot more about taking pictures than I did, even though he's two years younger.  They were so much further ahead of me that when I would ask questions, the answers would be completely over my head.  I was intimidated, so I never really learned anything about it.  Then I had to go and marry someone who now is a photographer, both by vocation and avocation!  Now I just aim and shoot and hope for the best.  I think I have a good eye, though, and always see things I would love to take pictures of - and can see in my mind how I'd like them to come out - so if I were to start at the very beginning, take a class from someone I don't already know (sometimes that's important), I might actually "grow up" to be a decent photographer.  I remember nothing about the "mini course" I took in junior high, and really, with pinhole cameras, it's more about the process of making the camera and then developing the pictures than the more artistic side of it, or even the technical aspects of using a regular camera; that's the last time I had any formal "education" in photography.  Learning all about apertures and shutter speed and focal lengths and F-stops and then things like composition and lighting... that's what I'd really like to do.

I've always wanted to take voice lessons.  My voice is OK, but I have a hard time staying on pitch.  I'd like to learn a little more control, and to maybe keep it from being all wavery when I sing in front of people (one of many reasons I don't, besides that I don't want to make anyone's ears bleed).

Changing gears completely now -- and yes, I'm well aware that this is four and it asked for three.  If you're really that big a stickler, I'd like to kindly invite you to either (a) consider "photography" under the same heading as "artsy-craftsy-type things," or (b) stick it. 
I would like to take one of those courses where you learn to walk on hot coals.  That is purely mind over matter.  What an incredible ability!  If I could do that -- block out the pain and the actual burning of my flesh just with my mind! -- it's entirely possible I could use that understanding to control my own daily pain.  I doubt it would do anything to help on those days when I'm almost too tired to even get out of bed, and don't have the energy to do something as simple as wash my hair -- but if I could walk over hot coals perhaps anything is possible.  Think of the possibilities, if your mind could control that much!

Now, as for what I could teach others....
I could teach you how to clean your home - and well - without using toxic chemicals.  I've always been very environmentally-conscious, but didn't know until fairly recently how easy and simple it is to use everyday household ingredients like vinegar and baking soda to clean almost everything around your house.  You really don't need a separate cleaner for every job and surface in your house, and you certainly don't need to use chemicals like chlorine and ammonia (and whoa--DEFINITELY not in combination!!).  I use those two ingredients for 90% of the cleaning in my house.  I'm slowly phasing out all the things like Windex and Soft Scrub, with no plans to replace them when I run out.  I'd really like to get rid of them altogether, but then there's the issue of what to do with them that won't REALLY hurt the environment; dumping it all at once seems like it would be way more harmful than using it up a little at a time.  If I could find a place to donate it all, though, I would; I'd rather they not be used at all -- heck, I'd rather they not even EXIST -- but if at the same time it were somehow altruistic and beneficial to someone who really needed it, maybe the two things would... karmically cancel each other out.  Anyway, once I get you cleaning in a way that is less harmful to our planet, we'll work on that paper-towel habit.  ;-)

In a similar vein, I can teach you how to do laundry properly and well.  (I still use mostly "traditional" products here, but I'm working on it.)  Of all household chores, it's my "favorite," and I'm quite good at it.  Sure, I will admit to having ruined a few things over the years, but I think it's more to do with ancient washers & dryers than my prowess or lack thereof.  Occasionally hubby's shirts will come out with strange bleached-out spots on them -- and I never use bleach.  (All right, OK, so I did once, for something very specific for which I'd been able to come up with another solution, then forgot to run an empty load next, and like Murphy himself planned it, ruined a shirt in the next load.  Besides the fact that it does all sorts of horrible things to the environment, that right there was enough of a reason to get me to cease and desist immediately.)  But aside from that, I pretty much rock the laundry room, and excel at stain removal (except, you know, those instances where the fabric dye is actually removed!).  That's a whole subheading in itself:  stain removal.  I can get cat barf (or other feline bodily fluids), or damn near anything you can think of, out of damn near anything, and if I don't know how off the top of my head, I know where to look it up.

I can teach you little grammar tricks and mnemonics to help you remember the things you get hung up on.  (Er, that should be "the things on which you get hung up."  Wait, then "up" is dangling.  "Upon which you become hanged?"  Yeah, no.  Never mind.  Moving on.  Hee.)  Now, I'm hardly an expert at grammar, syntax, and the like, and am learning something new all the time, but apparently I do have a leg up on at least some of the rest of the world, since I'm constantly hearing and reading mistakes, even in things like network news programs and well-respected magazines, that make me cover my ears (or eyes) in horror.  But back to the tips and tricks:  for example, I used to frequently confuse "lie" and "lay."  It's understandable.  How do you remember that "lie" is an intransitive verb, and "lay" transitive, when they're so much alike?  I finally found a simple way to get myself to remember -- I made it all about sex, and it finally "took":  "You can only get laid by someone else."  (Here "laid" is the past tense of "lay.")  (And don't be all literal here, or it'll never work!)  So -- "to lie" (lie, lay, lain) is what one does "to one's self," and "to lay [something]" (lay, laid, laid) is something you do "to someone else."  Then of course you extrapolate this:  you lay your fork on the table, but your cat is lying in the sun, etc.  I have a ton of these little tricks, none of which is coming to mind immediately, but if there's always been one (or more) that you get stuck on, just ask me, and I bet I can teach you to remember it.

RobbbieDobbbie's Cousin's Cooking Quizzy, Redux

For those of you who missed it, robbbiedobbie's cousin is a "REAL CHEF [who] STUDIED IN FRANCE."  She sent The Divine Miss R this "cooking quizzy," "just to irritate [her]," apparently, because she seems to think R is a "Food Heathen."  So of course I had to take is, because this is just about the most pretentious thing I've ever read.  It's so pompous and turgid (yes, I'm well aware that I'm being "unnecessarily redundant"), in fact, that I had a hard time being terribly funny, but I gave it a shot anyway.

1. What is your favorite dish "tartare"?
I love a little tartare sauce with my faux-chicken nuggets, but I really prefer cocktail or barbecue sauce.

2. Share your special way to prepare shrimp.
Teach it how to speak Lobster, and release it back into the wild.

3. Which cut(s) of pork do you grill most often?
I really, really like hot loins.

4. How do you prepare your lasagna? From scratch? If not,  what do you purchase, and why?
(All right: grudgingly, I'll answer this for reals.)
I've never made it myself, because I rarely crave it.  By the time it sounds really good again, it's time to visit my mom, and have her amazingly fantastic spinach-mushroom lasagna, which is from scratch.  She doesn't make the noodles herself, but she does buy them fresh.  So good it'll bring tears to your eyes!

5. What is your favorite reduction?
Weight Watchers.

6. What spice can you not live without?
Variety.

7. What herb can you not live without?
My Uncle Herb, who was a piano tuner.  Man, this thing is really out of tune!

8. What style of cuisine so you prefer? If a combination, please describe.
Lean.